20 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (Feb. 20-26)
Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Somehow the married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of wedded life.
Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 20 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.
Dog snoring: adorable
Husband snoring: unacceptable— Midge (@mxmclain) February 22, 2024
Stopped for a sec to see what my wife was watching and all of the sudden I’m 90 minutes deep into a show called Love is Blind.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 23, 2024
Stopped for a sec to see what my wife was watching and all of the sudden I’m 90 minutes deep into a show called Love is Blind.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 23, 2024 ">
Husband: why are you taking so long to get ready???!!
Later:
-eats the snacks I packed
-drinks my water bottle
-uses my cell phone charger— Ashley Winter MD || Urologist (@AshleyGWinter) February 24, 2024
Husband: why are you taking so long to get ready???!!
Later:
-eats the snacks I packed
-drinks my water bottle
-uses my cell phone charger
— Ashley Winter MD || Urologist (@AshleyGWinter) February 24, 2024 ">
Later:
-eats the snacks I packed
-drinks my water bottle
-uses my cell phone charger
Marriage after 20 years is basically waking up and telling each other which body part got injured while sleeping.
— Stacey (@skittle624) February 24, 2024
My husband just slammed the door and said "sorry--that one was an accident. Well it's always an accident. Basically I don't slam the door on purpose in case you were worried."
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) February 24, 2024
My husband just slammed the door and said "sorry--that one was an accident. Well it's always an accident. Basically I don't slam the door on purpose in case you were worried."
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) February 24, 2024 ">
husband: do you know where the thing is
me: can I buy a noun— meghan (@deloisivete) February 25, 2024
My wife said we need to “evaluate the garage” so there goes my weekend
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) February 24, 2024
Yesterday my wife and I can assembled an IKEA bookshelf without rage turning the screws so today we’ll graduate as valedictorians from our couples therapy
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) February 26, 2024
Yesterday my wife and I can assembled an IKEA bookshelf without rage turning the screws so today we’ll graduate as valedictorians from our couples therapy
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) February 26, 2024 ">
My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I'm not sure she knows I'm coming with her.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 20, 2024
Kids moved out — turns out it’s my husband who causes all the mess and interruptions.
— Andi (@smiles_and_nods) February 24, 2024
Kids moved out — turns out it’s my husband who causes all the mess and interruptions.
— Andi (@smiles_and_nods) February 24, 2024 ">
I know my wife and I are forever because she’s had 13 years to divorce me for singing Rural Juror every day of our lives and she has not.
— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) February 22, 2024
I know my wife and I are forever because she’s had 13 years to divorce me for singing Rural Juror every day of our lives and she has not.
— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) February 22, 2024 ">
Apparently “this house is a prison” wasn’t the right thing to say when my husband made me get out of bed this morning.
— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) February 24, 2024
My husband made me a drink & told me to sit down while he makes dinner & all I can say is, whatever he did wrong, I’m totally fine with it.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 26, 2024
My husband’s directions had me drive off a cliff in my dream last night so obviously I have to figure out how to work this into an argument today
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) February 21, 2024
Half my time watching any show is spent checking if my wife is asleep so I can minimize the amount of rewinding I'll need to do next time.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 22, 2024
My husband isn’t the average husband who stands in the way of a kitchen drawer. He’s able to block a person’s path EVERY single time they change direction in a kitchen.
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) February 23, 2024
My husband isn’t the average husband who stands in the way of a kitchen drawer. He’s able to block a person’s path EVERY single time they change direction in a kitchen.
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) February 23, 2024 ">
Once a guy came to our door with an educational book-selling MLM. He tried to get my husband by asking “do you even know why a flamingo is pink?” And I guess the guy hadn’t anticipated running into a man raised on zoboomafoo because he walked away defeated.
— Lindsay Fickas (@lindsayfickas) February 26, 2024
Once a guy came to our door with an educational book-selling MLM. He tried to get my husband by asking “do you even know why a flamingo is pink?” And I guess the guy hadn’t anticipated running into a man raised on zoboomafoo because he walked away defeated.
— Lindsay Fickas (@lindsayfickas) February 26, 2024 ">
After 20 years of marriage, I can tell you that it's okay to get separate desserts.
— Schmuck On A Hot Tin Roof (@SchmuckOnAHorse) February 26, 2024
After 20 years of marriage, I can tell you that it's okay to get separate desserts.
— Schmuck On A Hot Tin Roof (@SchmuckOnAHorse) February 26, 2024 ">
My husband discovered that you can borrow musical instruments from the library and my kids have spent all weekend “playing” an electric guitar with an amp, in case you’re wondering why I’m not filing taxes this year
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) February 26, 2024
My husband discovered that you can borrow musical instruments from the library and my kids have spent all weekend “playing” an electric guitar with an amp, in case you’re wondering why I’m not filing taxes this year
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) February 26, 2024 ">
It's adorable how my husband always announces when it's raining, like I've never experienced weather in my entire life.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) February 21, 2024
