My boyfriend dumped me after I took his stinking rubbish out
How I was dumped is a Yahoo UK column in which anonymous writers share the shocking and heart-wrenching ways their relationship ended.
Ethan*'s home was a mess, whereas Anna*'s, 47, was immaculate, but why was he so bothered when she tackled his bins?
Ethan* whipped off his sunglasses as he scanned the restaurant. My heart soared. He looked exactly like his Tinder pics had promised: tall with tousled hair and a barely there goatee. Although we’d matched through the dating app in June 2022, and had spent all summer texting each other, it took until September to finally meet because we'd both been travelling. Also, I lived in London while he was in Leicester.
He was smart, attractive and fluent in three languages. Lunch turned into dinner and the evening ended with a kiss goodnight on a busy street corner. He was easy to be around and I felt as if we'd known each other for ages. He felt the same about me because on the phone the next day he half-joked: "We should get married."
A month later, I drove the 130 miles to his home, a dilapidated semi-detached house he rented. In the living room there were two metal folding chairs, a small table, a sofa and a TV, while in the bathroom hung a filthy mirror and there were dirty dishes piling up in the sink in the kitchen. I was appalled. Still, I stayed, blaming the state of his place on his recent divorce.
An untidy home
Two weeks later, Ethan came to visit me and was impressed by how beautiful my flat was with freshly cut flowers and lit candles everywhere. He confessed that he didn't care about owning nice things or whether his house was a mess. "You should hire a cleaner," I suggested. As a professor, he certainly could afford it, but he shrugged it off.
We began seeing each other on a regular basis. Although I preferred him to stay at mine, I'd go back to his as well. The sex was out of this world. We'd cook dinner and afterwards he'd sing me songs on his guitar. By December, we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend.
He confessed that he didn't care about owning nice things or whether his house was a mess. 'You should hire a cleaner,' I suggested.
That Christmas, I flew to the US to be with my family. We stayed in touch via the occasional video chat. He was full of compliments, telling me how gorgeous I looked as he helped me decide which dress to wear to a New Year’s Eve party. On my return, he picked me up from the airport and in the car we could barely keep our hands to ourselves.
The next morning, Ethan insisted that we get out our calendars and plan how we were going to spend each month leading up to July 2023. Because he had a nine-year-old son, we had to organise our time around his visits.
Aside from spending weekends together, we talked about going away on a short trip to Copenhagen in February, to Rome in May to celebrate his 50th birthday, as well as taking a two-week holiday to the US come summer. I was thrilled. Finally, I'd found a partner who loved to travel as much as I did.
Tackling the rubbish
Then mid-January, I was alone at Ethan's waiting for him to return from work when I decided to tidy up a bit. Under the sink in the kitchen were two large bins, one for biodegradable and one for non-biodegradable waste, completely overflowing. It was disgusting. So while trying not to gag on the stench of rotting vegetables and sour milk cartons, I threw everything into a big plastic bag and tossed it in the bin outside his house. That night, when I told him what I'd done, he grew eerily silent.
While trying not to gag on the stench of rotting vegetables and sour milk cartons, I threw everything into a big plastic bag and tossed it in the bin outside his house. That night, when I told him what I'd done, he grew eerily silent.
Back home three days later, Ethan left me a voicemail explaining that his ex-wife had fallen ill and that he'd be caring for his son full-time now. Being the compassionate girlfriend that I am, I texted back: "If you need any help, be it to do the shopping or drive your son to school, let me know. I'm here for you." He responded with a matter-of-fact: "That won't be necessary." I was stunned.
Ghosting me
After that, he refused to answer my calls or reply to any of my texts. As weeks passed, I kept thinking he just needs time as he's probably overwhelmed. But in the back of mind, I knew I was being ghosted. I never heard from him again.
Why Ethan* couldn't have had a grown-up conversation with me about how he felt, I'll never know. It would've saved me a lot of tears.
Why Ethan couldn't have had a grown-up conversation with me about how he felt, I'll never know. It would've saved me a lot of tears. But the fact that he couldn't do that spoke volumes. His behaviour was closure enough.
It's been over a year and, looking back, I can't help but think that he dumped me after four months because I'd somehow offended him by clearing out his rubbish. If so, it’s absurd. And reminds me that the next time I meet a man whose house looks like a pigsty, I should run in the other direction.
*Names have been changed to protect identities.
Read more: All of Yahoo UK's How I was dumped stories.
