We're Divorce Lawyers. These Are The 6 Qualities We Look For In A Romantic Partner.
Given their line of work, divorce attorneys have a unique view on relationships.
They may not be couples therapists, but they’ve certainly gotten an up-close-and-personal-look at marriage, observing what makes them work and what makes them fall apart.
To that end, we asked divorce lawyers to share the top qualities they look for in a romantic partner based on their years of professional (and personal) experience. Below, they explain what they value most in a significant other and why.
1. Honesty and integrity
“Honesty and authenticity are the building blocks of trust, which is the foundation of any great relationship. Honesty is key to building true intimacy, fidelity and commitment. Even half-truths count as a whole lie in my book. It’s important for a person to take responsibility for their mental health to heal past wounds, know who they are and convey that truth fully in the relationship. As my Daddy always said, ‘Don’t pretend to be who you don’t intend to be.’” —Lauren Lake, family attorney and judge on “Lauren Lake’s Paternity Court”
“I need to know that my partner will do what he says he’s going to do. Otherwise there won’t be any trust in the relationship and eventually it will fall apart.” — Karen Covy, divorce coach and lawyer
2. They treat me like an equal partner
“I shouldn’t have to make excuses to others about how my partner treats me. I see so many people come in who have been mistreated in their marriage with an unequal balance in their relationship. They nonetheless make excuses about either why they deserved to be treated that way or why their spouse had a difficult life, which somehow made it OK to mistreat them. I would also look for someone who is kind.” — Carla S. Donnelly, family law attorney
3. I feel excited to be around them
“For me, it’s how do they make me feel? Simply put, do I get excited to see and be with them? Whether we can describe why, may be irrelevant.
People who hire me to help them through a divorce rarely feel this way about their partner, even if they once did. In fact, they often feel like they are excited not to see their partner anymore. They would be happier being alone, even if it means less money, lower standards of living, less time with their children. Once the desire to be around a partner is gone, and especially if there is new excitement to be alone, or to be with someone else, then the relationship is truly over.” — Randy Kessler, divorce lawyer and author of “Divorce: Protect Yourself, Your Kids And Your Future”
4. They’re confident
“It takes a sense of strength and confidence to understand my career and not be threatened by it or by me as a strong, ambitious, accomplished woman.
A colleague once asked my sweetheart, ‘Do you know you’re dating one of the country’s toughest divorce attorneys?’ To which he responded, ‘Yeah, I know that. But that’s not who she is otherwise.’ While I project a certain professional image, it’s important for my partner to see and love all parts of who I am.” — Stacy Philips, family law attorney
5. They’re independent
“An independent, self-motivated, self-sustaining partner is a must — I don’t want to be a nurse or a purse, and I don’t need another puppy dog following me around at events.” — Philips
6. They’re financially secure
“I think we used to romanticize the emotional components of relationships until we realized that a leading cause of divorce and relationship dissolution was money. Issues with finances can destroy even the most passionate relationships. Being financially sound doesn’t mean they have to be wealthy or even completely debt-free, but it does mean they need to be in position to take care of themselves, provide for their family or children and understand how to make smart investments that will lead to long term financial stability.” — Lake
