“Vanderpump Rules”: Scheana Admits to Feeling 'Not Valid' as She Learns Ariana Is Living Her “DWTS” Dream

"I’m afraid to express how I feel because it's not about me. It's never been about me. It's only about her so I'm struggling with having any conversation with her lately," Scheana says of Ariana

Scheana Shay knows her friendship with Ariana Madix has changed amid the fallout of Scandoval.

In a preview for next week’s episode of Vanderpump Rules, the “Good as Gold” singer tells Lisa Vanderpump that she had “the most emotionally draining day” while grappling with forgiving Ariana’s ex, Tom Sandoval, for his affair with Rachel “Raquel” Leviss.

“I cried so much my eyelashes were dry and hurt,” she admits. “I'm going through stages of grief with Sandoval.”

“What do you mean 'grief'? Of what you have?” Lisa, 63, asks as Scheana, 38, responds, “Yes, of that friendship.”

When Lisa asks if she is worried that Ariana, 38, will be “upset” if she befriends Sandoval again, she responds, “It's just hard when I tried to tell her how I'm feeling when it comes to Sandoval. She literally said, 'I don't want to hear about it.'"

Related: VPR: Sandoval's Friends See a Hint of His 'Soul' but Demand Accountability — Even as 1 Starts 'Crossing a Line'

The reality star admits that she no longer feels she can talk openly with Ariana, saying in a confessional, “I've done everything I can to be ride or die for Ariana, but is it not enough still? I’m afraid to express how I feel because it's not about me. It's never been about me. It's only about her so I'm struggling with having any conversation with her lately because I feel like I'm not valid in my feelings.”

Scheana admits that she has mixed emotions about Ariana getting new opportunities since Scandoval blew up, including joining the cast of Dancing with the Stars.

“A few weeks ago, I picked up Dan at the airport,” she tells Lisa, referencing Ariana's boyfriend Daniel Wai. “We grabbed lunch and he was like, ‘Oh, the announcement on Wednesday. Ariana had to stay in town so I flew in because she can't come to New York,' and I go, 'What announcement?’ He goes, ‘Dancing with the Stars.’ And I was like, ‘Oh.'"

Related: Ariana Madix Says She Was 'Not in a Position to Say No' to Brand Offers Post-Scandoval Due to Financial Woes

“Oh my god!” Lisa responds, before pointing out, “When I did Dancing with the Stars, you said to me, 'That's what I want more than anything.'"

Scheana says she was gearing up for the opportunity herself should producers call her. “This year I started taking dance class. I was preparing, in case, you know, I did get it," she says. "I am so happy for her but it's like, I can be happy for her and sad for me at the same time.”

She calls the casting news “kind of a punch to the gut,” before sarcastically adding, “And good for her, I mean she has come such a long way from being my backup dancer.”

Related: Rachel 'Raquel' Leviss Recalls Great Lengths Tom Sandoval Went to Talk to Her Post-Scandal: 'That Was Manipulative' 

Lisa encourages her to discuss how she is feeling with Ariana but Scheana insists Ariana “shuts me down.”

“All I want for Scheana is to, at some point, be able to say exactly what she is thinking,” Lisa says in a confessional. “There is always that push and pull, and her trying to make everybody happy, but it's okay to say, 'You know what? It really hurt my feelings.' What's wrong with that?”

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Vanderpump Rules airs Tuesday at 8 p.m. ET/PT on Bravo.

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