I Was Shopping For An Engagement Ring When I Found Out That I Don’t Really Know My Partner

What do you do if the love of your life kept their past a secret from you for the entirety of your relationship?

This is the question one Reddit user brought to the /r/relationships forum under a throwaway account.

He said: “I have been dating the most amazing woman for the past year and a half. I have been in puppy love before, the kind where they’re all you can think about and you smile when you think of them.”

He went on to explain that it feels like they really know each other, have space for one another’s interests and have even planned a future with a dog, a suburban home and a patio.

The smitten poster said that he was shopping for a ring as their future seemed set in stone: ” I was 100% confident, I just hadn’t chosen a ring, you know,she didn’t want a diamond but didn’t know what she does want.”

Then, the message came

The user explained: “Then I got a [Facebook] message today from some guy. He said that he was her brother-in-law and that she had blocked him on fb but could I please pass along a wedding invite and it would mean a lot if she was there.”

He was confused and pressed for more details as a couple of things weren’t adding up in his mind.

What he found out changed his perspective entirely.

He confessed: “She was married before to a guy named Brendan and they had a little boy, Sam – she told me before she didn’t like that name. The son died in a car accident and afterwards

“They had an ugly divorce and she cut ties. 5 years of her life, I never knew about and I don’t know if I ever would’ve. I think she was never going to tell me.”

This understandably left the poster feeling flummoxed. He said: ” This morning I knew her and now I don’t. I don’t even know how to bring this up or what. I definitely can’t go buy the ring and pretend.

“At the same time, I want to be with [her]. I am hurt but know that was horrible, that she went through something unimaginable but I don’t know what that means for us. Am I just a distraction? Is this something she does?”

Commenters reassured him that he likely wasn’t just a distraction

User RememberKoomValley was the top-rated comment and they said: “You are probably not a distraction, and this is probably not “something she does.” This is not okay, not by a long shot, but it could honestly be that she was hoping to just outrun the grief. To not have it be part of her anymore.”

They elaborated: “From my perspective this was probably not an attempt at manipulation, but instead an attempt to just...not be that person anymore.

“Not be the grieving mother, not be the injured ex-wife, not be the divorcee whose marriage and relationship with family was shattered (even now, her ex-brother-in-law wants her company! That does not tell me that she is a bad person).”

In an update, the user revealed that him and his partner did eventually talk

In a later update, the user explained that she did want to tell him but understandably didn’t know how to. And, as RememberKoomValley predicted, she was hoping for a fresh start.

However, it is a happy ending for the pair as the poster ended the update with: “I still love her maybe more now because I feel like she opened up to me so much.”

He added: “it’s hard to imagine her married, with a son, toys on the floor, and pictures on the fridge. it’s hard because in a lot of ways it’s the life I’ve been imagining with her.”

Let’s hope they got down the aisle.