Fancying seeing you here! Ah, we know. It's dull. The novelty of what felt like an early post-Christmas veg out wore off quickly. Then actual Christmas came and went, and we start 2021 as we ended it: in lockdown, and under an overgrown mop.
Of course, you can grab the scissors and cut your own hair. But Vidal Sassoon was not built in a day's DIY hatchet job. That stuff takes skill. Which leaves you with a pair of hair clippers, and not totally unfounded fears that you'll end up looking like a young Vincent D'Onofrio in Full Metal Jacket.
You won't. Not if you do it properly, and avoid conversation with rifles. But to alleviate those concerns, we spoke to the experts. Joe Mills, founder of Joe & Co barbers, knows what looks good. And as professional hair cutters remain closed indefinitely, he knows that a buzzcut may feel like the only option for guys who are (rightly) cautious to attempt cutting in a classic men's haircut.
Here's how to shave your head this lockdown.
Can you buzzcut at home?
Of course. There's nowhere else you can do it. To go it alone, Mills recommends the Super Taper clippers by Wahl, and more mirrors than a Kylie music video.
Will it work for fine hair?
Another yes. Thicker locks will give the impression of full hair coverage, but if you're thinning out, perhaps take this opportunity to take the plunge: embracing baldness will look better than you think. Confidence, mon frere!
"If you have fine or thinning hair, maybe start a little longer on top at grade four or five," says Mills. "And see how it looks. You do not want it to look patchy."
What facial hair works with a buzz cut?
A bit of stubble can even out the newfound shortage up top, and in an age of peak sleaze 'stache, you can go all out.
Know that growing a big full bushy beard will take time, but you've plenty of that too, and there are various ways to maintain (and encourage) growth on your chin.
And how do you approach it?
Stick to a longer grade – three or four – and move clippers upwards around the head. This way, you'll get to see the best length before it's too late.
Then, work your way around the skull and enlist a housemate/romantic interest/weeping mother that thinks your hair is lovely as it is. They'll be able to trim the stragglers, and you'll have a neat buzzcut.
Those questions answered, decide on the style you actually want.
On paper, it’s a horror show, but then Frank Ocean stepped out with a bright green buzz cut, and it looked really great. Can you do it? Maybe, after some serious thought… and you’ll need a strong pack of home hair dye.
Just remember to do a patch test for allergies. Green and red only works on advent calendars.
What you might think is just a simple grade one all over probably isn’t, or at least it shouldn’t be. "Ideally it shouldn’t be the same length," says Mills. "It suits your head shape to have the back and sides shorter; like a grade three on top with a grade one around the edges, and blended in with grades in-between."
A longer style that suits thicker hair, the suedehead cut — named after the early Seventies subculture — has flitted in and out of style for decades. It’s characterised by an even length all over, but you’ll need wax to keep the fluff down.
High & Tight
A slightly more extreme version of the crew cut, the high and tight is very short on the sides, but runs to slightly longer on top. Very low maintenance, and good for those with a receding hairline (as Ryan Reynolds has demonstrated). Not too long on top, though, or you’ll be in the realms of a (quite naff) French crop. Maybe save this for the barbers, actually.
Like this article? Sign up to our newsletter to get more delivered straight to your inbox
Need some positivity right now? Subscribe to Esquire now for a hit of style, fitness, culture and advice from the experts
You Might Also Like