Shannen Doherty Talks About Embracing Vulnerability During Cancer: 'I'm the Person That Cries In the Closet By Themselves'
‘‘Strength is in every tear that falls out of my eye,’ the 'Beverly Hills, 90210' actress tells best friend, realtor Chris Cortazzo, on her podcast 'Let’s Be Clear'
Xavier Collin/Image Press Agency/Splash News
Shannen Doherty.Shannen Doherty opened up about embracing her strength — and vulnerability — admitting that she doesn’t always show her fears as she continues on her cancer journey.
“Listen, I do complain. I just don’t complain in front of people," Doherty said Monday, on the latest episode of her Let’s Be Clear podcast, where she was joined by her best friend, realtor Chris Cortazzo, for a wine-fueled conversation.
“I tend to be the person that cries in a closet by themselves.”
“Like me,” Cortazzo said.
“We’re very similar in that sense,” the Beverly Hills, 90210 star said. “We appear to be very strong and warriors and we can get through everything but we’ll have breakdowns — but we’re in a closet hiding having our breakdowns. I definitely do that. I’m not nearly as strong as people… ”
“You’re strong,” Cortazzo interrupted.
Shannon Doherty/Instagram
Shannen Doherty and her best friend, realtor Chris Cortazzo.“I am strong,” Doherty, 52, agreed. “My point is I one-hundred-percent have those moments where I feel all of it and I wish for something different, right? I wish this wasn’t what I was dealing with in life, but I always have to look at the other side and go, ‘Well, what else would you be dealing with? And would it be as impactful and meaningful as this?’”
“Obviously my biggest thing is I just don’t want to die too soon because I have a lot to accomplish, so that weighs heavy on my brain.”
Doherty was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 2015. Since then, she's been open about her journey — from her IVF battle to building her “bucket list.” And in a November PEOPLE cover story, she revealed that the Stage 4 cancer had spread to her bones.
Earlier in the podcast, Cortazzo praised Doherty for taking her cancer journey public.
“My God, you’re amazing," he said. "The encouragement that you give to so many people."
“You're never the victim and it’s unbelievable, Shannen,” Cortazzo continued. “It just further reinforces respect and love for you."
“Everybody thinks that strength is being stoic,” said Doherty. “What I have discovered, and with your help, is that strength is in every tear that falls out of my eye. That’s strength. The more I’m able to embrace my vulnerability and my fears, that’s how I get stronger,” said Doherty, who along with Cortazzo, recalled an earlier emotional conversation when they both broke down and cried.
“None of us want to say goodbye to each other,” added Cortazzo.
Later in the podcast, the two best friends shared a little dark humor when Doherty talked about her funeral, and how, when she underwent surgery for a brain tumor last June, she started making changes to her will and making funeral plans because “I didn’t think that I was going to make it.”
“Three people. Mama Rosa, me and Bowie,” joked Cortazzo, listing Doherty’s mother Rosa — and her German Shepherd, Bowie, as the only ones invited to her funeral.
“There is a lot of people that I think would show up that I don’t want there,” added Doherty. She and Cortazzo laughed, and Doherty continued: “They have their reasons and good for them. But they don’t actually like me enough to show up to my funeral, but they will because it’s the politically correct thing to do and they don’t want to look bad.”
“So I kind of want to take that pressure off of them,” she added, quipping that the list of people she doesn’t want at her funeral is “way too long.”
Doherty noted, however, that she's fine with her fans showing up, adding, “I want my funeral to be a love fest — I don’t want people to be crying."
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