Sara Bareilles Talks Body Insecurities and the 'Urge to Disappear,' Says She’s 'Trying' to 'Love the Body I’m In'

“I want to stop fixating on some unattainable sort of bulls— beauty standard,” the singer said

<p>Jenny Anderson/Getty Images for Tony Awards Productions</p> Sara Bareilles at the 76th Annual Tony Awards on June 11, 2023 in New York City

Jenny Anderson/Getty Images for Tony Awards Productions

Sara Bareilles at the 76th Annual Tony Awards on June 11, 2023 in New York City

Sara Bareilles is getting candid about the ups and downs of accepting her body as she ages.

On Wednesday, the “Love Song” artist, 43, opened up on her Instagram and shared that she had been “crying for the past 36 hours” because her old insecurities have resurfaced involving “insidious” beauty standards.

“I’ve been a little bit in the public eye about aging. And I’m at a lot of crossroads in my life about where I’m at — I turn 44 in a few weeks. And I want to be someone who is willing to be exactly who I am,” she explained. “I want my body to get to do what my body’s doing as I age. I want my face to get to do what my face is doing. I want to stop fixating on some unattainable sort of bulls— beauty standard. I want it to stop taking up so much space in my brain. And I want to talk about it. "

“So maybe this is the step 1 in my trying to call in some opportunities to discuss this on some level because I think there is some healing to be had,” she added.

In her caption for the post, Bareilles explained that the reason she’s been thinking about aging a lot was because she got “majorly activated” during a recent work event.

“It got me thinking about how fragile any mental progress I make feels sometimes - it is a sandcastle of confidence and one wave can really knock me out and I spiral in all the ways,” she wrote. “Let me be clear- I WANT to love the body I’m in. I WANT to allow my face to just be whatever the f— shape and texture it is. I’m TRYING to. But I don’t actually feel all that much love for it a lot of the time and that feels heavy and shameful and embarrassing. I thought I was smarter than that.”

Related: Sara Bareilles Opens Up About Body Image Insecurities Before 2023 Tony Awards: 'I'm Trying to Rewire My Brain'

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

“I see and feel that there is some deep belief in me that if I don’t look a certain way I don’t deserve to be seen. How predatory- the urge to disappear because you believe you don’t deserve to be looked at,” she added. “Today my small act of resistance is I’m cradling myself and every other person who struggles - to just bless the parts of ourselves that get exiled and told not to come in. I have zero things figured out. Zero answers. Just more questions - and more chances to do it differently. Begin again. Try it gentler this time. And let your body be. "

Back in June, Bareilles also took to Instagram and discussed her new approach to thinking about her body. Prior to attending the 2023 Tony Awards, she revealed that prepping for high-profile nights out typically triggered long standing body image issues.

"Traditionally, when I’m getting ready for a big event, I go on a real bender of body-shaming and hating and trying to lose weight and get small and hit the gym super hard because there’s some kind of sense in myself that if I don’t present a certain way that I’m not allowed to participate," she said at the time.

The singer walked about how she was working to break that habit.

“I am thinking a lot about how I’m preparing for these events ... these two events mean a lot to me, obviously," Bareilles shared, explaining that she is "really trying to rewire” her brain to think differently. "[These are] old stories and I don’t ascribe to them anymore — I mean, I have to fight really hard not to ascribe. Like, I can just have the body that I have and go have a f---ing blast.”

For more People news, make sure to sign up for our newsletter!

Read the original article on People.