Quotes of the Week: Good Trouble, Ghosts, CSI: Vegas, Shōgun and More
Tonight’s Oscars unfortunately don’t have a “Best Lines From This Week’s TV Episodes” category — honestly, it’d be weird if they did — so allow us to handle that accolade via our latest Quotes of the Week compilation.
In the list below, we’ve gathered more than a dozen of TV’s most memorable sound bites from the past seven days, including moments both scripted and unscripted from broadcast and cable series.
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This time around, we’ve got bon mots and zingers from Ghosts, CSI: Vegas, Animal Control and FEUD, plus a heartbreakingly meta moment from Good Trouble‘s series finale.
Also featured in this week’s roundup: a double dose of Shōgun, plus quotable moments from Family Guy, Resident Alien, NCIS and more shows.
Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves! (With contributions from Nick Caruso, Vlada Gelman, Charlie Mason, Matt Webb Mitovich and Andy Swift)
LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS
“I don’t want to get in a fight with Jeremy Allen White. Have you seen that guy without a shirt? Better question: Have you seen him with a shirt? Did someone steal this man’s shirt? Could you give it back, because it’s making some of us feel bad about our beach bodies.”
GHOSTS
“It’s like they say, you have the whole world, but you are our whole world.”
“Hetty, that’s from a dog food commercial.”
Isaac (Brandon Scott Jones) informs Hetty (Rebecca Wisocky) that her touching words to Sam are a slogan
SHŌGUN
“You’re so upset, the doctor suggested we send a woman to pillow with you.”
“‘Pillow’?”
“It is polite for… the physical joining of the man and woman.”
“If he’s not a warlock, he’s most certainly a pimp.”
“Would you prefer a male companion…?”
“Dear God, where am I?”
Mariko (Anna Sawai) translates for difficult patient John (Cosmo Jarvis)
SHŌGUN (Bonus Quote!)
“You, sir, are a silly little man! And your hair looks like the tail of a pony!”
In the midst of causing a commotion, did Anjin (Cosmo Jarvis) just coin a hairstyling term?
FAMILY GUY
“We’re near Kennebunkport, home of the Bush family compound and, according to Dowdy Magazine, the very place where Barbara Bush picked that one haircut 40 years ago and never looked back. See? The perfect coiffed lady ‘fro. I heard tell that she brought a Quaker Oats box into the salon and said, ‘This.’”
Lest you think Stewie (voiced by Seth MacFarlane) is mocking the former First Lady, just know that he shows up later in the episode rocking that very same lady ‘fro
CSI: VEGAS
“The Eisensteins wanted Taylor Swift and Olivia Rodrigo, but both girls got food poisoning, so I rounded up everyone who wasn’t booked… I even got back into my old Liz Taylor get-up.”
“How’d that go over?”
“Teenage girls are very cruel.”
Chavez (Ariana Guerra) grills a POI about a bat mitzvah gig
THE VOICE
“I can recite the first 50 digits of pi. That means I’m really good at phone numbers, by the way, ladies.”
Contestant Corey Curtis attempts to charm female viewers even before the coaches
RESIDENT ALIEN
“I saw a movie once where a person saw an owl and it meant they were being abducted by aliens. Does your butt hurt?”
Young Max’s (Judah Prehn) inquiry may be silly and juvenile, but his mom Kate actually is being abducted by aliens!
ANIMAL CONTROL
“OK, raccoon….”
“You know what? It’s an awful lot of paperwork. And wildly inhumane.”
Frank (Joel McHale) stops Victoria’s extermination-by-bowling ball
THE CHALLENGE 39 REUNION (Part 2)
“Damn Colleen, it looks like you Berna’d a lot of bridges!”
Cara Maria Sorbello makes one helluva pun while commenting on the Colleen/Berna/Michelle drama
FEUD: CAPOTE VS. THE SWANS
“Was it so bad with me that you wanted to kill yourself?”
“Well, Bill, yes. [Lights cigarette] It could’ve been worse. It could’ve been librium. But no, it was ciggies and high-end booze. At least I was a coherent hostess.”
Cancer and her husband (Treat Williams) be damned, no way in hell is Babe (Naomi Watts) giving up smoking
NCIS
“So Torres gets a place to stay, Parker gets fit as a fiddle, and we get… the underachiever of the citrus family.”
Jess (Katrina Law) is not happy to see the office’s morning pastries get replaced with grapefruit
GOOD TROUBLE
“They ended up cancelling the sitcom anyway. They just pulled the plug. It’s a brutal business.”
Alice (Sherry Cola), getting meta in the cancelled Freeform drama’s series finale
NCIS: HAWAI’I
“Did you just tip him a 20?”
“Yeah! In appreciation for his service.”
“It’s a little excessive.”
“It means we’ll get extra attention.”
“Is that a good thing, if we’re undercover?”
Kate (Tori Anderson) is not being cheap, Lucy (Yasmine Al-Bustami), she’s being frugal!
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