'Not My Kids': Columbia Dad Sets His Limit For Campus Protests In 'SNL' Cold Open

A Columbia University student’s father (played by Kenan Thompson) couldn’t be more pleased with the youth amid protests against Israel’s war in Gaza — but he had one notable request during the “Saturday Night Live” cold open.

In a faux Spectrum News NY1 segment titled “Community Affairs,” host Ryan Abernathy (played by Michael Longfellow) spoke with college students’ parents about the protests that have led to hundreds of arrests around the country as students call for their universities to divest from companies and institutions linked to Israel.

Thompson, who played Alphonse Roberts on the mock NY1 program, told Longfellow that nothing makes him “prouder than young people using their voices to fight for what they believe in.”

“Alphonse, your daughter must feel so supportive when she’s out there,” replied Longfellow.

“What’s that now?” asked Thompson. “When whose daughter is out there?”

“At the protest,” Longfellow added.

“No, no, no, no, man, you buggin’. Alexis Vanessa Roberts better have her butt in class,” Thompson said. “Let me find out she in one of them damn tents instead of the dorm room that I pay for.”

Thompson then told the other parents that he’s in favor of “y’all’s kids protesting, not my kids” and later remarked that he wasn’t worried about “five-o” on campus and said it wasn’t any of his business.

“My business is Alexis Vanessa Roberts. She ain’t talkin’ ’bout no ‘free this, free that,’ ’cause I tell you what ain’t free — Columbia,” he said.

Watch the “SNL” cold open below: