Not doing well in exams is not the end of the world

FEBRUARY 20 — Many years ago, I was invited to a school in Subang Jaya to give a talk about stress management to about a hundred Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (SPM) students.

Before I began, the teacher in charge introduced me to the students but what shocked me was what she said to the students as part of her preamble.

She basically said, “All of you need to learn how to manage stress because if you don’t do well in your SPM, you are going to suffer. “

And then she went on to say how one of her friend’s son only got two As for his SPM and could not get into a good college.

I mean, were these kids facing an exam or a firing squad?

After she said that, I felt I had my work cut out.

So when I spoke I emphasised to the students — over and over again — that they need NOT worry so much because:

• There were many options to further their studies after SPM.

• Almost nobody cares about SPM the moment they enter college (let alone join the job market).

• Their identities need not be defined or locked-in by their exam results (how silly is that?).

• Even if they did “poorly”, their future remains promising.

(Note that if you just take to heart the above four bullet points, this article would have accomplished its mission and you can stop reading.)

My talk made things a little awkward for the teacher but, while I didn’t feel “nice” about it, I didn’t regret saying what I said.

And from the looks of things, given the prevalence of academia-induced anxiety, what I talked about still bears repeating.

Risks hidden and ignored

The epidemic of stressed out, traumatised and depressed adolescents is a particularly vexing one.

First, it’s rendered more severe by the fact that teens and adolescents are at the age most vulnerable (biologically speaking) to emotional contagion, risk-taking, novelty-seeking and peer pressure.

Those boys and girls are at the age where they are most likely to a) feel intense emotional pain and b) do something irreversibly crazy.

With all the existing non-academic pressures they already face (sexuality, identity, sibling rivalry, sports teams, all added jet-fuel to by social media nowadays), don’t we think piling on academic pressure will push them further towards the edge?

The second vexing thing about depressed Asian students is how we parents and teachers just aren’t helping, as we always downplay the ruthlessness and risks of exam pressure. There are some obvious double standards at play:

• We complain about burdens and stress at work and we know that pressuring children beyond what they can cope is harmful ─ but we don’t think pressuring them to succeed as academic stalwarts is a bad thing.

• We talk about the “uniqueness” of children and individuals ─ but we don’t question how expecting them to excel in all their subjects contradicts this truth.

• We promote the importance of talent and gifts ─ but in school we neglect subjects like PE, art, music, dance, etc. as if those subjects are just for fun.

• We attend seminars, read books and conduct meetings about “risk management” (in finance, in organisations, etc.) ─ but very few parents recognise the risks inherent in constantly pushing our teenagers to attain Top Scorer status.

When Asian communities worship academic grades, this will make 80-90 per cent of students inevitably feel like losers, for the plain reason that academic excellence (like football excellence, like writing excellence, like cooking excellence) is the domain of only a few.

The idea of pushing all kids to get straight-As is as absurd as pushing all kids to become Cristiano Ronaldo and Serena Williams.

Strength-based learning means, among other things, giving students the option to excel in a select few subjects instead of the usual “get as many As’ as you can” approach.— Picture by Yusof Mat Isa

Solutions?

The most important thing is to quit denying it. #Mentalhealth is already a publicly recognised issue; it’s surprising how so few parents and educators appreciate how academic pressure aggravates it.

Secondly, perhaps the government and schools should focus a bit on strength-based learning. Why should Ahmad or Ah Meng or Anand be pushed to excel in Maths if a) they clearly excel in other areas and b) Maths is creating more problems than it solves (pun intended)?

Strength-based learning means, among other things, giving students the option to excel in a select few subjects instead of the usual “get as many As’ as you can” approach.

It means accepting that not every kid is going to improve substantially in Maths no matter how many extra hours of classes are given; it hopefully also means injecting much-needed joy into studying because, as we all know, we excel more at things we love.

Note that nobody is saying it’s okay to not work hard. By all means, students should be taught to overcome sloth but a line must be drawn between nurturing discipline and expecting the unrealistic.

The most important and liberating truth an SPM student can embrace is the fact that the SPM is not at all the Most Important Thing in the world.

The best news is that doing poorly in the exam won’t destroy you but doing well can help you a bit. It’s the furthest thing from “life and death.”

Enjoy the exams. All the best.

You got this.

* This is the personal opinion of the columnist.