If you love other people’s drama, you must love Reddit’s “AITA” forum, where strangers go to ask the internet if they’re in the wrong about some of life’s most unhinged situations. And today, there’s a real doozy in there — a mom is asking if she’s wrong for having savings accounts for her two biological daughters’ futures, but not her stepdaughter.
I have to admit, this is one where I was ready to proclaim the mom the a**hole and move on before I even read the post, but the situation is a lot more nuanced than I expected.
“My partner and I got together 4 years ago. I was child free and he had one kid 8f from a previous marriage. 8f was 4 when we got together,” OP wrote. “I immediately took on caring for her for half a year bc her mom needed to “get her stuff together” after a bad relationship and I WFH so it made sense. All of that to say; since she was 4 I have taken an active role in parenting/nurturing her even when I was told I’m not her mother and have no say even though I did/do 99% of her care and needs when she is with us. I got pregnant quick (4 months together) And had my first 3f and then my second 1m when my first was 8 months old.”
OP wrote that when she found out she was pregnant, she started a savings account for her unborn child and started diverting money there from each paycheck. When she got pregnant with her second baby, she doubled the amount she contributed from each check so her kids could have equal amounts. She plans to give the money to her kids after they graduate. An important thing to note is that her husband, the kids’ dad, does not contribute to their savings accounts at all.
“I asked him if he and her mother started saving for [stepdaughter] and he said they hadn’t discussed it or ever started anything. I said he probably should since as her mother isn’t reliable in terms of money and our two will in fact be given that money after graduation and I don’t want any animosity over it,” OP wrote. “He said that’s true and we left it at that. I don’t ask questions bc she’s not my kid as I have been told so I never mentioned it again.”
OP said the topic came up later when she was with friends, but they said she was an a**hole for not saving for her bonus daughter. So she wanted the internet’s opinion — is it true?
“I will ensure she is safe, fed, and knows she is loved when she is with us but she’s not my child or my responsibility so why would I take away from my bio kids to give to her when she has 2 parents that can do for her what I do for mine alone?” OP wrote. “I don’t see why I have to do what her parents don’t care to.”
Oof. There’s a lot to unpack here.
After a lot of comments, the internet ultimately ruled that OP is not the a**hole in this situation for one main reason: She’s the only one, out of three total parents, contributing anything to any kids’ financial futures. Many commenters realized that the stepdaughter’s biological mom may be a lost cause, but pointed out that’s it’s time for all three kids’ dad to step up financially.
“He isn’t contributing to any of his kids’ savings, why should you have to carry the load for all three?” the top comment reads.
Another highly rated comment adds, “YWBTA (you would be the a**hole) if you don’t ride your husband’s ass to do the same for his daughter, unless he somehow will be able to fund college anyway, and will be funding it. She’s already 8 years behind, and with how her parents are doing this is gonna blow up badly.”
Several commenters pointed out that it isn’t fair for OP to pay for three kids while the stepdaughter’s biological mom pays for none.
“She has 2 parents who should be capable of saving for the girl, so any contribution from you would be bonus. It’s not fair for you to contribute to the girl’s saving unless the girl’s mom contributes to your kids’ savings as well,” one wrote.
Another added, “I’m sorry, nta. Is her mother saving for your kids?”
But this comment sums up the whole situation pretty nicely: “The dad needs to step up and sort his responsibilities, he is literally paying for 0 kids so you shouldn’t have to pay for 3!”