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Mom Promises Daughter Her Wedding Dress But Takes It Back When She Disapproves of Planned Alterations

When the original poster pictured her daughter in her wedding dress, she didn't imagine the changes she'd make to fit her style

<p>Getty</p> Stock image of a tailor working on a wedding dress

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Stock image of a tailor working on a wedding dress
  • The original poster promised her wedding-obsessed daughter that she could have her wedding dress as a teenager

  • When the time came, OP agreed to go ahead with it until she learned her daughter, who doesn't wear dresses, planned to disassemble the dress and only wear part of it

  • OP's family has accused her of holding her LGBTQ daughter's style against her when OP says it's more about the dress's sentimental value

One Redditor says she's in a difficult situation after making a promise to her daughter that she no longer wants to keep.

The original poster (OP), a 44-year-old mom, explained that her 25-year-old daughter will be marrying her girlfriend, 27, later this year. Mom will be walking her daughter down the aisle since her husband died when their daughter was a child.

"She enjoyed talking about a future wedding and playing bride when she was a child, picking flowers and colors and venues. She loved watching the videos of my wedding and seeing her father and me get married, and it was important in our bonding. When she was 13, I promised her my wedding dress," OP explains.

The issue is that OP's daughter no longer wears traditionally feminine clothing, which means she had plans for some changes to her mom's wedding dress.

"She began refusing to wear dresses or skirts when she was in her late teens, even trying to demand her school allow her to wear trousers, and it was difficult convincing her to wear dresses to formal events," she says.

"She has gone through phases ... I have always been very supportive of all of this, even when she met her girlfriend and proposed to her. I have encouraged her as much as I can. I am contributing significantly to the wedding."

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<p>Getty</p> Stock image of tailor taking measurements of a wedding dress while someone wears it

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Stock image of tailor taking measurements of a wedding dress while someone wears it

Related: Pregnant Bride Wears Bedsheet Dress and Gauze Veil to Marry in Hospital Wedding After Going into Early Labor

OP recently struck up a conversation with her daughter about the dress, which is when she learned that she planned on making significant alterations.

"She dropped the bombshell on me that she wanted to wear a SUIT and have my wedding dress altered to remove the skirt portion so that the bodice could be worn with trousers," OP says.

"At first, I agreed but dragged my feet, bringing the dress over. After a few weeks, I changed my mind and told her that the dress was important to me, and I didn't want her to ruin it," she explains.

"When I promised her the dress, it was because I thought she would wear it as a dress, and she will only get to wear it if it is a dress," she levels, noting she also offered it as a dress for her daughter's fiancée to wear, which was determined to not be a viable option for the couple.

<p>Getty</p> Stock image of seamstress altering dress

Getty

Stock image of seamstress altering dress

OP says after the discussion, her daughter "has since not been answering my messages except with saying that the dress would be a connection to her dad so she is disappointed not to have it."

"I offered to go dress shopping with her for a replacement, but apparently, some of our family think I am stopping her having the dress because I disagree with her being masculine," she says.

OP asks if she was wrong, noting, "I may be the a------ because I promised it to her, but that was when she was very young, and before I knew she wanted to change it."

<p>Getty</p> Stock image of mother buttoning daughter's wedding dress

Getty

Stock image of mother buttoning daughter's wedding dress

Many women agreed with OP and said that the dress was promised as a loan to preserve its legacy rather than change it completely.

"She lost her father, but you also lost your husband, and it makes complete sense that you are sentimental about this dress and don't want it seen altered beyond recognition. Parents don't need to give every part of themselves to their children - you are allowed your own feelings and needs - and wanting to preserve the dress you married your late husband in is totally valid," one commenter wrote. "You made that promise in good faith, and I'm sure would honor it if it didn't mean completely changing this memento."

Another commenter questioned what OP's end goal was, asking if there was someone else in the family who might use it.

"What are you saving it for? To be donated after you are gone for a stranger to alter into something else? Your daughter wants to honor you by making your wedding gown into her own," they questioned.

Some people questioned if OP was as accepting as she was claiming to be and whether that was playing into her decision.

"It is your dress, but she wants to make it her own, to honor her father. You want it as a memory of your husband....that'd be fine," they wrote. "But, this isn't about her changing it — because you seem fine with her future wife significantly altering it as long as it is still a dress. This is about how you don't want her wearing a suit."

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