Khloé Kardashian Admits Prior Relationships Made Her Feel Like a 'Weak Bitch' and the Butt of People's Jokes

Though Khloé wasn't ready to get back on the dating scene, she made it clear she wants to "feel proud" about her next boyfriend and not think "everyone's laughing at me ... for staying with someone"

Khloé Kardashian hopes to find a new romance that doesn't embarrass her.

On Thursday's episode of The Kardashians, the Good American founder went to lunch with best friend Malika Haqq and opened up about the state of her relationship with ex Tristan Thompson — as well as her hopes for their future.

Though Khloé, 39, was adamant that she was not ready to date again, she also made it clear that when that time comes, she does not want to be ashamed about the romance.

"This situation was the most wild thing and it's not only finding out he had someone else pregnant, but while I secretly had my own surrogate pregnant," she explained of Tristan, who had secretly fathered another child with Maralee Nichols while preparing to welcome son Tatum via surrogate with Khloé.

"Never in a million years would I have thought that," Khloé continued to Malika, 40. "Then this whole year goes by, my son's not even 1 yet, and look how much has changed. I didn't speak to Tristan at all for six months, not even about the kids. But now look, now we’re back to being really good friends. I wanna date someone — not now — I'm exhausted."

Related: Tristan Thompson Fears Kids Will 'Feel Embarrassed That I'm Their Father' When They Learn of Past Infidelities

In a confessional, Khloé said, "What do they say? To get over somebody, you have to get under somebody else. That's obviously a really easy route and you're definitely distracting yourself as to what you need healing from. Someone's form of healing is not my form of healing."

"I just need to do what speaks to my soul," she continued. "And if I felt like going out, if I felt like dating, and if I was open to that right now, I would do it. There's nothing holding me back. I just genuinely don't have these feelings right now."

Related: Khloé Kardashian Wants Sisters to Play Matchmaker as She Admits She Doesn't 'Trust' Her Taste in Men

Back in her conversation with Malika, Khloé added, "I want to date people, I think, and see what's out there. I want to feel proud when I go into a room and I'm with my man and I don’t think everyone's laughing at me for being a weak bitch for staying with someone."

Malika quickly reminded Khloé that she is the "furthest from a weak woman," as she explained, "It takes a very strong woman to forgive people, it takes a very strong woman to be hurt multiple times by the same person and still smile in their face. There's nothing weak about that."

Khloé appreciated her friend's comments and went on to admit, "In an ideal world, I wish I was married and that we had our family together. That's what everyone wants. But I'm not attracted to Tristan."

When Malika was audibly surprised, Khloé clarified, "Tristan is so handsome, he's a beautiful stature of a human — I'm not blind. But I can't think about kissing him on the lips. None of that... It's just not in my wheelhouse."

Related: Khloé Kardashian Threatens to 'Castrate' Her Daughter's Future Boyfriends for Tristan-Style Betrayal

Malika then suggested Khloé try to "give it a shot" and attempt to "save your family," but Khloé insisted she's already tried. "I just want my life a little bit," she responded.

Malika then asked, "So it's not never?" which prompted Khloé to admit, "I don't know, I don't know what it is, it's definitely not now."

Khloé's conversation with Malika took place as she was navigating her relationship with Tristan in season 4 following his repeated infidelity.

Despite Tristan's cheating, Khloé has managed to remain on good terms with the NBA player, 32, even allowing him to temporarily live with her amid his home renovation, following the sudden death of his mother Andrea.

Related: Khloé Kardashian Is Bracing for Tristan Thompson to Move On: 'It'll Sting a Little'

The exes, who share two kids — daughter True, 5, and son Tatum, 13 months — have been open about their complicated relationship, with Khloé most recently explaining why she continues to defend Tristan despite the way he's treated her in the past.

"I want my karma to always be great," she said. "We're gonna be in each other's lives for the rest of each other's lives because of our kids, so I'm not gonna fight that, and I'm gonna make sure it's as nice as possible for me."

In another confessional, Khloé said Tristan's infidelities were a "very traumatic experience for me and my life, so I'm not gonna forget it."

"But I'm so proud that I'm able to be kind and mature and show my children that Mommy and Daddy can co-exist and be co-parents, and I'm able to be here for him when he's in his time of need. Someone that I really did not want to look at just a couple months ago, I have living under my roof," she said. "I lost a parent, I don’t wish that on anybody. I don't care what you did to me, this is something beyond my pain. My moral compass is saying for me to be a good person and be supportive when someone is in need, so everyone do what your moral compass says, I’m gonna do what mine says."

During last week's episode, Khloé admitted she was bracing herself for Tristan to eventually move on. "I imagine that the first time he is with someone, yeah, it will sting a little bit. I don't know, but I think that's probably normal," she said.

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New episodes of The Kardashians drop every Thursday at 12 a.m. ET on Hulu.

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