My Husband's Cancer Scare Brought Up Questions For Me. What Should I Do?

<span class="copyright">shapecharge via Getty Images</span>
shapecharge via Getty Images

In a Reddit post shared to r/relationship_advice, Reddit user throwraDetective-71 said, “After my husband’s cancer scare I don’t want to stay with him.” 

She explained that her husband does not have cancer, but had faced a cancer scare through what turned out to be a benign tumour.

His doctor called the being diagnosis “lucky” as the cancer would have left the poster’s husband bedridden.

The lump may still turn cancerous, the doctor added.

But when her husband thanked her for sticking by his side during the stressful ordeal, the poster admitted she felt “sick with guilt because I don’t want to stay.”

The poster had experienced cancer herself

The author of the post then revealed that a few years back, she’d had ovarian cancer.

And her husband’s reaction to the stress was different to hers, she says ― “Instead of supporting me, I found out he was cheating on me. He cried and begged for forgiveness.”

“I HONESTLY thought that I could get over it,” she added. “I thought that we would get over it stronger than the other side.”

She grew up with a mother who stayed with a cheating father, she says, and even took in her half-sibling from another mother. And she shared that men having second families is a common joke where she’s from.

Plus, she says “he’s been a great husband since.” Still, “I’m looking at taking care of someone who couldn’t take care of me. Who cheated on me instead of helping me.”

She points out that her mother had to take care of her while her husband was away philandering.

“I can’t, I can’t do it. I can and have done it for someone I love but I can’t do it for him,” she ended, wondering “why do I feel betrayed now? Why do I want to leave when he potentially is the most vulnerable? And what do I do when I don’t want to stay with him when he potentially could be sick?”

People understood the poster’s point of view

Though a complicated topic, most commenters supported the woman’s thoughts on the matter.

“You’re not an awful person because you couldn’t get past the cheating. You’re not an awful person for helping him through one of the hardest times in his life and realising that when it was your turn previously he was not there for you,” one commenter said.

“You’re perfectly valid to leave. He traumatised you,” they added. 

Another commenter said, “It’s a wake-up call... you say you do not know what to do, but you do. It’s already in the title. But you are confused [about] what to do NOW. How do you act on it?”

“If he ends up with cancer that’s a major trigger because you will be expected to take care of him knowing he was cheating on you when the roles were reversed,” yet another site user said

What do you think?