Help, I’ve Fallen for the Hollywood Soft Bois and I Can’t Get Up
In Hollywood, there are two leading-guy archetypes rn: the quarterbacks and the soft bois. (Before you say something like, “That’s way too simple. There are definitely more kinds,” pls read all the way through this airtight case.)
The quarterbacks are the famous men you could run up to full speed, do that Notebook-style leg-wrap-jump thing, and have absolutely no fear of falling. We’re talking the brothers Hemsworth, Jason Derulo, Charles Melton.
Soft bois probably can’t hold you up (and they prefer intense, full-body, squeezy hugs anyway). They can whip up a poetic Insta caption in 30 seconds or less. They’ve read all the essential Jonathans: Franzen, Safran Foer, and Lethem. They’ll meet you at a bar wearing a logo-less hoodie that costs at least $1,500. Specimens include Lucas Hedges, the brothers Sprouse, Jharrel Jerome, and Timothée Chalamet—actors I’d describe as “beautiful” rather than “hot.”
These guys have *staying power*. Take Paul Rudd. He first captured our hearts in Clueless (in 1995!) and is still charming TF out of everyone. His IMDb page is as long as a CVS receipt. Men like him tend to hang around because they are a joy to spend (virtual) time with. We can never have enough because their appeal is based on their talents, quirky personalities, and je ne sais quoi (that’s French for, like, something magical about them that only makes sense in French, which, btw, soft bois speak fluently).
Maybe the best thing about soft bois is that they’re actual softies. They go out of their way to be nice to people, like when Timothée brought the fans who were waiting outside the NYC premiere of The King his favorite bagels. That shit is thoughtful!
These men represent a new kind of masculinity that doesn’t include a bod you’re dying to see in one of those soaked-T-shirt-style photo shoots. They’re totally okay with that (as are we—abs fade, dimples are forever). In fact, it lets them get you in a way that performative masculinity usually prevents. Like, they aren’t going to freak out when they see a tampon, you know?
And the more you fangirl over the soft bois on your screens, the more the men in your actual life will (hopefully) get the hint and start to replicate their soft ways. That’ll probably make them better humans, if only for the fact that their Insta captions will be infinitely smarter.
So long live the soft boi, and may he forever keep making great, weird, original, creative stuff, from movies to music to photography Instagram accounts. Oh, and Timmy, if you’re reading this, DM me.
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