Groom’s Mother Told Her Wedding Date Is ‘Disrespectful’ Due to Family Death 30 Years Prior

“Am I the a------ for thinking she is out of line since she waited until after we put all the deposits down to say something?” a bride-to-be asked on Reddit

<p>Ljupco/Getty</p> Stock image of crying bride


Stock image of crying bride

A bride’s mother-in-law-to-be waited until after the couple paid deposits on their wedding venue and other services to request she change the date.

On April 9, a Redditor shared a post about the situation on the “Am I the A------?” subreddit, revealing that she and her fiancé, both 25, just got engaged after seven years of dating, and have been actively planning their special day with their families — including the groom’s mother.

“We have been very open with discussing the wedding and dates and what we want for the wedding,” the Redditor, user @SMR52398, wrote. “When we announced the wedding date she had no issue she didn't say a thing.”

Related: Bride and Groom Split Wedding Guests Into A- and B-Listers — Only Invite B-Listers to Watch Recording on Zoom

Then, months after putting deposits down on everything for their nuptials — including the venue, food, DJ and photographer — the groom’s mother told the couple that the chosen date has a significant meaning to her and asked them to change it.

<p>Claudia Casal/Getty</p> Stock image of a wedding venue

Claudia Casal/Getty

Stock image of a wedding venue

Recalling the moment her mother-in-law decided to break the news, the user wrote, “Actually during one of the photography zoom [meetings] discussing our engagement photos idea, she texted me and said, ’Why did you pick that date for your wedding my daughter died two days before that.’ “

"Mind you she was in the room we [were] doing the meeting,” she wrote. “I didn't say anything and just brushed it off.”

According to the user, her mother-in-law-to-be “lost her first child almost 30 years ago to SIDs,” which she calls a “horrible thing and i would never want that to happen to anyone.”

Related: Man Threatens to Disinvite Girlfriend to Friend’s Wedding Because She’s 'Embarrassed' He Wants to Wear a Kilt

The Redditor and her fiancé had both remembered the anniversary of the death, but “thought since the wedding was not on the actual anniversary it would be fine,” she added.

"Also later on I found out it was my Uncle's birthday (who was like a father to me) and he past [sic] away 10 years ago,” she said, noting that instead of chasing the date to honor her uncle, she will be celebrating him with his alcohol of choice: Jim Beam, at the event.

And, “His wife and sons all supported me and were the ones that told me that,” she added. “That was his birthday. So I became even more attached to that date.”

“Meanwhile my mother-in-law [knew] the day we decided the date and didn't say anything until after we put all the deposits down,” she said. “Am I the a------ for thinking she is out of line since she waited until after we put all the deposits down to say something?”

The wife also noted that her mother-in-law-to-be is not funding the wedding — she and her fiancé are paying for it “with a little help here and there from my parents and the in-laws.”

<p>Victor Dyomin/Getty</p> Stock image of wedding venue

Victor Dyomin/Getty

Stock image of wedding venue

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All of the top-voted posts responding to the bride were supportive, agreeing that she is “NTA,” or not the a------, in the situation.

"You've pick [sic] a date which is not the anniversary of the death of you [sic] mil's child, and you gave fair notice of the date so people could feed in, and now the date is locked in by deposits,” the top-voted response read. “You are NTA for sticking to the plan.”

Replying to the post, another Redditor agreed, pointing out how much time there was to change the date before deposits were made.

“I understand too well how losing a child can impact a person. Here’s the thing: MIL had ample opportunity to speak up,” the user said. “She chose not to. Then, when the date was set and deposits were in, she decided to say something.”

Related: Bride’s Mom Calls Her Out for Not Serving Cake to Wedding Guests: 'That's What You Do'

They continued, “So to me, this looks an awful lot like she orchestrated this drama where she is the victim. Has she done this in other instances? Where she makes someone else’s moment about herself? I wouldn’t be surprised. I would be prepared for her to try continue to bring attention to herself over this. I could even envision a wedding speech where she makes reference to the ‘situation.’ “

“To me, this absolutely reeks of someone who likes to be the center of attention,” the user finished, adding, “I would proceed with caution.”

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