How to know if separating is right for you as Divorce Day approaches
While many of us are thinking about dragging ourselves away from the cheese and chocolate and into the first working week of 2024, there’s another reason we're not looking forward to the first week in January.
Hold onto your wedding rings, everyone, for Divorce Day is approaching.
Falling on the first working day of the new year, which in 2024 is Tuesday January 2, Divorce Day as its become known by those in the legal profession, marks the day when lawyers reportedly see a spike in couples filing to end their marriages after the festivities are over.
Happy New Year!
Is Divorce Day really a thing?
Recent ONS statistics reveal that 113,505 couples divorced in 2021 compared to 103,592 couples in 2020 - a 9.6% increase.
Further figures, from litigation law firm, Stewarts, over the past three years has found that divorce enquiries spike in January, towards the end of the Christmas holiday period.
But while it is true to say that after Christmas there tends to be a rise in enquiries, Julian Bremner, divorce specialist and partner at Rayden Solicitors says the reality is that more divorces commence in late January or early February.
However, there are several reasons why Christmas can be a testing time for relationships – for a start spending prolonged periods with family over the festive season.
"For many, Christmas is a wonderful time of year full of good memories," explains Bremner. "For others, Christmas can be a more trying period.
"It can create needless tension within a family and extended family as arrangements for Christmas day etc are entered into. It also may mean spending time with people that you ordinarily would not want to.
"The weather and lack of transport can sometimes mean that you are forced into proximity with people you may not have been getting on with or, in the case of your soon-to-be former partner, are thinking of divorcing," Bremner continues.
"So whilst Christmas is a joyous time for some, for others it really can be a minefield of expectations, stress and strain."
All of this can bubble to the surface over the Christmas period and put a strain on relationships which may already be having difficulties.
How do you know if divorce is right for you?
This is a very personal decision for you, but according to Bremner you will often know if separating is the right path.
In terms of practicalities Bremner recommends considering the practical implications of starting divorce proceedings.
"Are you still to continue living under the same roof? How do you manage your life on a day-to-day basis? What do you tell the children and when? What other considerations do you have coming into the future which will be impacted by this decision?" he says.
"Whilst some people choose to remain together, irrespective of having decided to divorce their partner so that a unified front can be presented at an important family occasion or for a holiday already paid for – the best advice is not to put your life on hold," he adds.
"Divorce is a big step and has ramifications, but if you have decided to exit the marriage, that step needs to be taken at some time."
Watch: Kelly Clarkson isn't ready for another relationship following her divorce: 'I like dog love!'
If you do decide to divorce, in terms of legalities Bremner recommends chatting to your spouse sooner rather than later.
"Whilst you can commence divorce proceedings unilaterally, it is often better to have a conversation with your soon-to-be former partner about commencing proceedings so that you can either agree on who the petitioner is and when the petition is to be filed - or at least warn them that they’re about to receive an email from the Court Service confirming a petition has been filed," he says.
The petition is the starting point of the divorce process.
"It means the court will then have powers to deal with financial matters," Bremner continues. "It is not something that necessarily needs to be rushed.
"Certainly, you do not need to consider undertaking this step if it’s still very early in the breakdown of your relationship. However, that said, if you are starting to talk about financial settlements (either directly or in mediation) then it would be helpful to have the divorce process well underway so that once you come to an agreement the Court has the power to make financial orders on your behalf."
How parents can navigate divorce over Christmas
Consider the longer term
Effective co-parenting hinges on maintaining healthy communication methods with your ex in the long term. "Consider each interaction with your ex with your child's wellbeing in mind over the holidays," Bremner explains.
Keep the 'grown-up talk' out of earshot
It is known that exposing children to parental conflict is not in their interests and is potentially harmful.
"Research conducted by Dr Irwin Sandler in 2013 revealed that conflict between parents poses the greatest risk for harm to children - not the divorce itself," Bremner explains.
"With this in mind, it’s extremely important to work through any conflict together without involving your child."
Implement a ‘parenting plan’
According to Bremner a parenting plan is a written plan worked out between parents after they separate. It can help clarify the arrangements and set down what each parent expects of the other when the child is in their care. This can help a lot over the Christmas break when childcare arrangements tend to cross over.
Ultimately, the decision to divorce necessitates thoughtful consideration.
"The choice to exit a marriage is significant, and when that choice is made, navigating it with compassion and understanding towards yourself remains key," Bremner adds.
Divorce: the facts
Data from the Ministry of Justice has shown a nearly 20% increase in the number of divorce applications filed since the no-fault divorce option was introduced in April last year.
A no-fault divorce petition allows people to file for divorce without having to place blame on their former partner.
Between April and December 2022, 89,123 divorce applications were made, compared to 74,571 made in the same time frame the year before – a 19.5% increase.
Divorce: Read more
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Benefits of a sleep divorce as Cameron Diaz calls for couples to 'normalise' separate bedrooms (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
Lawyers reveal the most common post-Christmas divorce enquiries (Yahoo Life UK, 4-min read)
