'The Bride Has Never Been An Intellectual Or A Go-Getter' — People Are Sharing The Wildest Wedding Toasts People Had The Audacity To Make

In a post shared to r/AskReddit, site user Due_Pumpkin1293 wrote, “Giving a toast at a wedding is common, what’s the worst thing you’ve heard someone say while they were giving one?” Here are some of the most-upvoted responses:

1. “The father of the bride was toasting his daughter (he has two other daughters as well). He said, ‘You know, she may not be the smartest or prettiest in the family, but let me tell you, she has a good heart!’ Like, what the Hell was he thinking? Everyone collectively cringed.”

u/jgilbs

2. “I once heard a man say in his best man speech, ‘Back in high school when Bill first told me he liked Jackie I said Jackie!? Ewww! But that’s how I knew Bill really liked her for who she was as a person.’”

u/nucl9us1988

3. “A slightly drunk childhood best man gave a toast congratulating John and Mary. Mary was the groom’s ex-wife. John was marrying Nicole.”

u/Nuicakes

4. “The father of the bride just listed off everything he didn’t like about the groom in his speech at her wedding. So something like ‘Well you’re not a doctor, you don’t have all of your hair, and you’re not the smartest man she’s dated. But welcome to the family I guess.’ It was suuuuuuper awkward. The groom’s family took the opposite direction and gushed about how much they loved the bride. It made the father look even worse in comparison.”

u/permanentlytiredAF

5. “My dad is hilarious and loving, but public speaking isn’t his strong suit. At my younger sister’s wedding a few years ago, he gave this rambling speech where he described her as a ‘plane that just taxied on the runway forever, and you wondered if it would ever take off.’ He was trying to say she was a late bloomer, but he made this hand motion of a plane just stuck on the runway. We gave him so much grief for that because he basically told everyone she didn’t ‘blossom’ until she met her husband, who’s the life of the party.”

“Fast forward to my wedding a few months ago. I jokingly told him he needed to step up his game after my sister’s speech. I was sure he’d put more effort into mine after all the teasing he got. Nope. He told everyone that he thought I was autistic when I was young and ended it by saying, ‘But I don’t think she turned out to be.’ Thanks, dad.”

u/SeaBrilliant7

6. “The bride and groom had been friends for a year and were part of the same social circle. The group was supposed to go to a concert but due to circumstances, only the bride and groom showed up, got drunk, hooked up and the rest is history.”

“One of the groomsmen told the story about how if he hadn’t gotten drunk the night before he would have gone to the concert and she would be marrying him instead. It might have sounded better in his mind but it came off as selfish and jealous.”

u/Cakelord

7. “The best man said to the bride, ‘I hope you’re well rested up and ready to be stretched because my boy gonna turn you into a pretzel tonight!’ I’m not even fully sure what that means, but I was sitting right next to the father of the bride and he was not happy. The mother looked mortified.”

u/agent_x_75228

8. “The best man of a wedding I went to was heavily intoxicated and said something along the lines of ‘if only she knew what the girl looked like at your bachelor party that you were in bed with, she would understand how big of a catch she is for your ugly ass.’ They didn’t make it to their honeymoon.”

u/Clean_Pin6536

9. “At my wedding, my lifelong friend, who I had a completely platonic and non-romantic relationship with, got up and gave a very drunk speech professing her love to me in front of a large room full of people she had never met. She cried and said that the day was such a sad day because she had to let go of the one she was meant to spend her future with.”

“Maybe it’s not the absolute worst thing anyone has ever said in a wedding speech, but it was definitely the worst for mine because it kinda changed the vibe for a little bit. Everything was good to go by the time the wife and I got to our honeymoon that night though, lol.”

u/ItsEntsy

10. “My friend went to an out-of-town wedding where he basically only knew the groom and the girl he brought as a date. He for some reason felt compelled to do an interpretative dance instead of a speech. No one laughed and it was dead silent confusion.”

u/DJustice23

11. “My father opened his speech at my sister’s wedding with ‘Now, I know you have both been married before, but this time, perhaps things will work out.’”

u/ghostprawn

12. “My mother’s cousin gave a best man toast for his younger brother, the groom. The groom’s family all hated the bride. He said, ‘I wish [groom] and [bride] a whole lotta laughs because this is the biggest joke I’ve ever seen.’”

u/LeslieJaye419

13. “The best man at my wedding gave a toast that was longer than our ceremony. He wore a costume. He talked more about their teachers from high school than he did about us. He brought in a guitar player who he hired to play two parody songs that he wrote that were literally just rehashing what he had already said. We actually had to cut him off so we could serve the meal.”

u/occasionallystabby

14. “My cousin renewed his vows. During the first tapping of glasses to get him and his wife to kiss, my cousin Tom pounds a shot saying, ‘I need a stiff drink first!’ He was basically saying his wife of 20-something years was so ugly, he needed a drink to muster a kiss.”

u/Gunslinger_11

15. “I went to a wedding where the officiant took the mic right before dinner. We all thought he was going to say a prayer... nope! It was a way too long speech confessing how he used to be in love with the bride. To everyone there, it was clear he was still in love with the bride.”

u/PalOfKalEl

16. “The maid of honour said she told the bride not to go out with the groom at first because of his job (manager of a grocery store). One of the groomsmen interrupted to say ‘he still works there.’”

u/dumptruckulent

17. “The maid of honour said, ‘I never in my wildest dreams thought the bride would end up with the groom. I really got to know the groom when he lived with my family for six months and I was so amazed at his intelligence and drive. My BEST FRIEND the bride has never been an intellectual or a go-getter. I never thought they would marry, but here we are and I’m glad I was wrong.’ This was a 10-minute slog of cringe and NO ONE clapped.”

u/holmesbeaver

Shout-out to r/AskReddit and u/Due_Pumpkin1293 for having this discussion.

Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.