The Boys' monster penis raises some BIG questions about superhero junk
The Boys season 2 episode 6 spoilers follow, and let's just say they're pretty huge.
Men are obsessed with their junk, so it makes sense that The Boys would be too. Remember in season one when that man's penis froze and broke off while banging Ice Queen? The phrase "Winter is coming" has since taken on a whole new meaning, and we haven't been able to rewatch Game of Thrones since.
And now in season two, the biggest dick of all, Homelander, has been showing off his own super-sized bulge aplenty. But even that mighty flagpole pales in comparison to what we just saw in episode six.
Following Starlight's lead, The Boys take a road trip to Sage Grove Hospital and discover that Vought is testing the V-compound on adults. The results are disturbing in more ways than one. Most of those who survive the initial experiments come out traumatised and disfigured before Lamplighter eventually burns them alive to cover everyone's tracks.
Due to some meddling, a prison breakout ensues, unleashing all kinds of monstrosities, including a giant anaconda penis that tries to choke Mother's Milk. Yep, Karl Urban wasn't kidding when he told us season two is a "testament to the sick mind of [showrunner] Eric Kripke."
Laz Alonso tried to warn us about this encounter, but even after everything that's happened on The Boys, nothing could fully prepare us for that much meat at once. What other show would introduce a character who wields more sausage than a butcher's shop window? It's enough to even make Euphoria blush.
And more importantly, how would this even work? Extending your penis that much would surely cause some kind of circulatory issues, right? Shopping for clothes is probably quite tricky too.
Of course, this isn't the first time that super-junk has been handled on screen. Just last year, Watchmen star Yahya Abdul-Mateen II "blue" up social media with his sapphire schlong, keeping up HBO's impressive track record for all things peen. Long gone are the days when Batman star Burt Ward was prescribed pills to shrink his distractingly large bulge.
However, it's worth bearing in mind that Watchmen didn't just expose little Yahya for the sake of it. As Abdul-Mateen II pointed out to us, his nude scenes weren't "about being objectified. It was just about a human who was really above notions of shame."
Doctor Manhattan's junk (and the dildo it inspired) play an integral role in Watchmen, acting as a reminder of the humanity he lost after gaining his god-like gifts. Not all portrayals of the one-eyed monster are this nuanced though. This week's episode of The Boys is a prime example of that.
And so it should come as no surprise that, for the most part, TV and film remain fearful of this beast, only alluding to male genitalia rather than actively showing it on screen. This makes sense in the superhero genre as most comic book adaptations are still written with wider audiences in mind (not to mention the prudish restrictions of modern society).
However, all this beating around the bush, *ahem*, has caused imaginations to run riot, prompting many to try and envision what kind of heat heroes might be packing under all that tight, stretchy spandex.
When Logan was released in 2017, Inverse naturally published a report investigating whether Wolverine is circumcised or not. Their findings weren't conclusive due to questions surrounding the limits of Logan's healing factor and whether he was circumcised before his powers developed.
Deadpool creator Rob Liefeld threw his helmet hat into the ring soon after, explaining that Wade Wilson must have foreskin because "We would never, ever live in a world where Deadpool can't regenerate his own cock and balls." Hopefully, that should come as a relief to anyone left still wondering.
Even Marvel legend Stan Lee joined the debate, explaining (via Vanity Fair) that The Thing's rocky member is probably orange like the rest of his body. However, the comic book legend actually "thought it was more interesting to think about Reed Richards." Why, I hear you ask? Well, "as you know, he had the ability to stretch, and sexually, that would seem to be a great asset in many areas." Excelsior!
Despite all this talk of stretchy skin-flutes, not everyone is so enamoured with the super-powered wang. Two years ago, DC launched a new mature comic book label, and to get things swinging, they decided to dive deep into the Bat Cave and expose the Dark Knight's manhood. (And yes, as anyone who's watched Ben Affleck's gun-toting Batman might suspect, Bruce Wayne does indeed lean to the right).
Unlike their female counterparts, male superheroes are rarely nude in comics, so it was quite a milestone to tackle the issue of Batman's tackle up-front. But of course, it wasn't long before DC changed their minds and decided to digitally censor Bruce's favourite sidekick. They claimed showing off Batman's uncircumcised penis didn't add much to the story.
Whether you agree or not, there's a double standard here which anyone even vaguely aware of comics will be aware of. All too often, women are drawn wearing risqué costumes designed purely to titillate readers. Sure, comics rarely go the next step and show female genitalia, but super heroines are still far more likely to be objectified than the men they fight alongside.
That imbalance has started to swing the other way onscreen, thanks in large part to Marvel's fixation on brawny chests and pecs of steel. The Boys recently addressed this in season two, exploring how both men and women alike can develop body dysmorphia in response to the unrealistic training superhero bodies require.
That kind of nuance was lacking when Mother's Milk fought off a wild trouser-snake, but that's okay. Sometimes, The Boys reflects society's problems back at us with nuance and sensitivity, and sometimes a giant monster dick is just a giant monster dick.
The Boys season two dropped on Amazon Prime Video on September 4 with episodes 1-3, and now continues weekly, dropping new episodes each Friday.
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