Court has been adjourned for today in the 1MDB corruption trial against former Prime Minister Najib Razak, as it has been reported by his lawyer that the defendant has come down with a case of conjunctivitis, aka pink eye, aka that thing that Vinny got on the greatest reality show of our time, The Jersey Shore, after, *according to Ronnie*, he put his face up all in a girl’s booty.
Hey man, we didn’t write the plot lines, they wrote themselves.
Earlier this morning, Najib’s lead counsel Muhammad Shafee Abdullah, told the courts that his client, along with his controversial wife Rosmah Mansor, had called him earlier this morning to inform him that he was dealing with an eye infection.
Shafee did not clarify if he meant that the duo conference called him, or if at some point, Rosmah took the phone from her husband to elaborate on the state of his ocular tissue.
Either way, we’re vaguely interested. Go on.
He admitted that his client had yet to see a doctor; however, he offered up his own WebMD suggestion over what could have caused the inflammation: That damn haze, y’all!
Haze: It’s not just getting in the way of your outdoor sprints; it’s also impeding justice. Thanks, Indonesia!
Causes of pink eye include: Allergies, air pollution, viral infections such as the common cold, or in the case of the aforementioned Jersey Shore alum, Vinnie, bacteria via unhygienic practices.
Najib will visit a specialist later today and provide the court with a suitable medical certificate, confirming his illness, at a later date.
This current trial, perhaps the most significant in the charges against Najib, sees the current sitting Pekan MP facing 21 counts of money laundering, along with four pertaining to abuse of power.
As the trial presses on, prosecutors had hoped that witness Amhari Efendi Nazaruddin, the former PM’s special officer, would identify several individuals of interest for the courts today. Alas, it was not meant to be, as Najib’s presence was required.
Shafee, and members of the prosecution, also threw a spoke into the prosecution’s plans to ID persons of interest, when presiding High Court judge, Justice Collin Lawrence Sequerah asked if proceedings could be pushed to any given Friday of the upcoming month.
Turns out, Shafee is quite the busy man these days: When he’s not trying to get the disgraced statesman off the hook for the 42 charges he’s currently booked on, he’s leading the defense team for Samirah Muzaffar, aka the woman who told police her high-profile husband died from an exploding mobile phone, only to later be charged with his murder.
Prosecution team members are also working on other cases on Fridays, said lead prosecutor Gopal Sri Ram.
So much crime y’all, we ain’t even got the time!
A quick perusal of the interwebs leads us to believe that the best course of action for that pesky pink eye is just good ol’ anti-inflammatory meds, antihistamines, steroids, and maybe some eyedrops.
Most medical advice discourages using antibiotic drops as the viral nature of most pink eye means such meds will be ineffective.
Hope you recover soon, former PM, sir!! Let us know how everything’s going with your un-fleshy bum, and if you’ve managed to finally get that cushion you were looking for.
This article, ¡Ay, ay, eye! Najib trial adjourned for today over former PM’s alleged pink eye situation, originally appeared on Coconuts, Asia's leading alternative media company. Want more Coconuts? Sign up for our newsletters!