Alliance of Moms Founder Kelly Mckee Zajfen Opens Up About Loss of Son Georgie, 9, After Sudden Illness (Exclusive)

Zajfen shares in a moving first-person essay how she’s navigating the crushing grief and doing her best to live a life that would make Georgie proud

In 2022 Kelly McKee Zajfen, 44, the co-founder of Alliance of Moms, a non-profit that supports pregnant and parenting teens who are in the foster care system, had her world shattered when her bright and lively 9-year-old son Georgie suddenly contracted and succumbed to a viral illness.

Now in a moving first-person essay, she opens up to PEOPLE exclusively about the crushing weight of the loss and how she and her family, including husband Julian and daughter Lily, are facing each day.

Helping her find a small bit of solace is the act of giving back, which she continues to do through Alliance of Moms and Alliance for Children’s Rights. “It has allowed me to have purpose, and to see what’s in front of me,” she says of her work with the organizations.

Below, in her own words, she discusses how she and her family have been coping after tragedy — and why she never wants the world to stop remembering her beautiful and magical son Georgie.

I wake up each day not just for Lily and Julian, but for you, too: my community. The mornings are the hardest for me. Waking to the reality that my son is gone. It is hard to articulate this kind of pain. Where you can somehow function, but you are not entirely sure how every movement of your body is doing its job. The moment I wake, I relive our last moments together. It is traumatic, painful, and so very vivid. I can hear Georgie saying to me that the one thing he wanted to do when we left the hospital was to kiss me...

Then, reality starts to make its way into focus, and I force my body to stand and to begin again. The moment my son died, part of me did too. The previous version of myself was no longer, and the new me introduced herself.

It happened very quickly. We had no idea when we took him into the hospital that 12 hours later, he would not make it. My 9-year-old son George died. Died of Covid and viral meningitis. A healthy and vibrant boy could not fight it. We lost him. I kissed him. But it was to say goodbye. It is impossible to know how to survive this type of grief. Even more impossible is the ability to find all the right tools that will help you manage each day. I definitely do not have all the answers.

Related: Parents Mourn 7-Year-Old Daughter Who Died of COVID Less Than 72 Hours After Testing Positive

For the past year-and-a-half, I have slowly gathered small tools as best as I could, desperate for anything that would help me to breathe again. I found tools in some people's words. Grief books that I took a few key pieces from. A handful of different therapists (some good, some bad) and their perspectives. Experts on grief. Rabbis. Mediums, acupuncturists, body workers, EMDR... You name it, I said yes to it all.

I collected, gathered, tried, sourced and begged for whatever could be useful. What I found was clear: I am never going to be okay. It is impossible to find anything that will ever be able to fix my shattered heart or bring my son back, but what I can do is this. Allow the light from my family and my community in, and search for one joyful thing a day that can help me survive my days. If not just for me, but also for my daughter Lily and my husband Julian.

So how is this even feasible? Climbing this uphill mountain often feels impossible. For me, two incredibly important things have become essential. Leaning on my community, and giving back. Both have always been embedded into the fibers of who I am. However, after Georgie died, those two things allowed me to have purpose. To see what was in front of me. Not necessarily what was ahead. I haven't been able to see that far yet.

I think grief has stolen the idea of time. So I live in the now and in the moments in between and embrace my community more than I had ever before. Oh boy, did my community show up. I have been left utterly in awe and overcome by the number of people who have been here and continue to support our family. I go between tears of sorrow and tears of gratitude for the kindness that has been shown. I will not forget when I opened my eyes the day after my son died, in complete despair, who was standing at our bedside.

It was not just people who showed up in person. It wasn't even just people that I knew. It was strangers too, who sent me messages of love and support. Mostly moms. Moms who felt like they too lost Georgie. Moms who listened to my words and took in my grief. Sending me messages of promise to be present more for their own kids. To be more patient. To love more and to find more time to spend together.

Even the people who could not necessarily stay long helped to navigate my minutes, hours, days that have followed. Whatever someone could give felt enormous. My great love for my children came through to you. You saw it and held it close. That communal force has helped me put one foot in front of the other. My friends and even those strangers became chefs, drivers, cleaners, therapists, comedians, guides, and most importantly, family. I was never good at saying yes to people when I needed help. I knew this time it was impossible to do this alone. I knew I would not survive each day without them.

The community allowed me to be seen too. I must thank them and everyone for allowing me to speak about Georgie each day. For reading this article and getting to know us as a family. To look at all the photos of him I share and send messages of light. Seeing how magical and full of light he was... is. And now you have joined in too. You continue to share about him through the nightly sunsets.

When we were on our last family trip together, he had walked into the kitchen crying. He was asking, "What happens when we die? Where do we go? How are we remembered?" I took a deep breath and tried to ease his mind. I certainly could not pretend to have the answers. “I wish I knew where we would go,” I said. What I could tell him was this. “How we are remembered is how good we are to the people here. How kind we are. This way our names will always be spoken. We will always be remembered.”

I am not even biased here when I tell you this about my George, he was... is the kindest. He said, “Mama I think I should get off my iPad and watch more sunsets.” So we ran outside with a platter of desserts, running around the field and watching the sunset. Lily and George piggy backing and laughing while I snapped away with my camera so I would never forget this perfect moment. Giggling and appreciating each other. How simple and beautiful it is to pause what we are doing and run outside to say goodbye to our day. To thank the day for what it had given us.

This is why #sunsetsforgeorgie was created on social media. Each night when I turn on my phone, I see you posting from all over the world your own sunsets. Being able to witness others thinking of George and holding space for our family helps me each day. It gives me hope and joy each day. YOU do that! So, thank you.

I proudly sit on the board of the Alliance for Children’s Rights, a non-profit that provides free legal services and advocacy for caregivers, adoptive parents, and children and teens in L.A.’s foster care system. Our family now hosts an annual tennis tournament that has supported the Alliance for over 20 years and was renamed in Georgie's honor. His love of tennis will shine a bright light and help those in L.A.’s foster care system.

I also co-founded an organization that supports their mission called the Alliance of Moms. We focus on the expectant and parenting foster youth. To think there are foster youth who are mothers or about to become mothers who do not have anyone to lean on motivated me to want to build a community around them.

Our big T-shirt campaign, which we launched April 3 (LOVE LIKE A MOTHER) will support our Health Teen Program at the Alliance of Moms, providing educational resources, doulas, mental and medical healthcare, stable housing and therapies for themselves and their children.

I also dove into making a piece of jewelry with my dear friend Maya Brenner. A piece that represents all of us who are in grief. Something I wanted to be able to wear every day so I could let you know to be patient with me. Be gentle with me.

On one side it says, "Be gentle. In Grief." On the other, it says the name of your person. I loved this idea that you can decide which side you show to the world whenever you need it. It allows there to be a small moment for you to be able to pause, and have that space to be seen. This piece is also incredibly special because it is just at cost. It was incredibly important that no one made any money from this. I have found grief to be such a business, and I have struggled with that part of it. I also know we are always looking for something to give to someone after they have lost someone or even for ourselves. I hope this brings you comfort. If not for yourself, for someone else.

To my grievers, I know this loss and grief is impossible. I hope that you can search for that one small joyful moment each day. To help lessen the overwhelming feeling of sadness. Even to step outside for the sunrise or sunset. If nothing other than to take a deep breath. Please allow others to show up for you in whatever way they can. I have learned to delegate my grief. I know certain people who can hold space and support in the heavier days. Or who I can share in the ridiculous moments that come.

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I have learned that not one single human can carry it all for us, so allowing others in is imperative. Try not to expect people to understand it all. Even the people who share a similar loss. Not everyone will understand. That is the lonely part, I am afraid. So be brave in sharing. Dare I even say, find bits of humor in the darkness. I have learned to laugh at the ridiculous things people have said or continue to say.

To the community — keep showing up. And allow space for those who have suffered this type of loss the flexibility to not be okay on any given day, but keep showing up. Not just in the beginning, but in the days, months and years after. It often feels like people have a time limit on grief. I am here to tell you differently. Please do not say, “Time will heal.” Time will not heal this pain. Time will not manage our sadness. Everything does not happen for a reason.

Related: How Beanie Feldstein’s Brother’s Death Inspired Her to Become a Counselor at a Camp for Grieving Teens

Please understand that our biggest fear is that our loved ones will somehow be forgotten. So keep asking about them. I promise you will not shake up the day. The day is already shaken. You sitting in this difficult space and talking about them helps to keep them in people's hearts and shines a light through the cracks in our hearts.

Find new ways to support people with loss. It is not a formula. Whatever way you show up is not wrong. Each person is so uniquely different in terms of their needs, but making them aware you are close by is sometimes what gives strength to move through the day.

For those who were lucky enough to have met Georgie, I’m sorry for your loss too. For those who did not, I am so sorry you did not get the chance to witness his magic. Thank you for showing up for us. For holding space for our family. For reaching out and letting me know you think of Georgie too. That he has changed something in you. How he has made you a better parent, friend, human. How my love for my children, our love mattered.

It gives me hope for what is to come if we all show up for each other this way. I am so proud of him for touching the world. Let us keep holding each other closely. We should not have to do it alone. To Lily, my sunrise. To Georgie, my sunset. Mama.

To donate to Alliance of Children’s Rights, visit allianceforchildrensrights.org. To purchase a "Love Like a Mother" T-shirt, visit https://shopallianceofmoms.org.

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