Alec Baldwin’s “Rust” director says overwhelming grief made him wish he died from gunshot wound on set

Joel Souza also revealed where he stands with Baldwin. "We’re not friends. We’re not enemies. There’s no relationship," he said.

Alec Baldwin's Rust director Joel Souza has made a few painful revelations in his first public interview since an on-set accidental shooting in October 2021 killed cinematographer Halyna Hutchins and left the filmmaker seriously wounded.

Nearly three years after a gun held by Baldwin went off on the New Mexico set of the western drama, striking Hutchins in the chest and Souza in the shoulder, the director recalled his emotional trauma in the immediate aftermath of the incident.

"Not really," Souza said in a new piece published by Vanity Fair, in response to a question about whether he was happy to be alive after being hit by the bullet. "I remember specifically going to sleep that night and hoping I didn’t wake up the next morning. I hoped I would just bleed out overnight because I didn’t want to be around anymore. It was a very difficult moment. I remember just thinking, Maybe I’ll just sort of bleed to death — that would suit me just fine."

Souza added that he began having nightmares in the years following the tragedy, and that spending time in therapy — cycling through six different therapists — didn't help to ease his discomfort.

Courtesy of Santa Fe County Sheriff's Office Alec Baldwin in 'Rust'
Courtesy of Santa Fe County Sheriff's Office Alec Baldwin in 'Rust'

He did, however, want to offer monetary support to Hutchins' surviving husband, Matt, and their child, by returning to finish shooting the movie in her honor.

"At a certain point it was conveyed to me that there was going to be some form of settlement and that Matt Hutchins was going to be involved as a producer. This is what he wanted. I knew that the movie being finished would financially benefit Halyna’s family, which is very important to me," he continued. "And I know this can sound trite for people who aren’t creative, but her last work matters. People seeing her last work matters. That was the tipping point for me in the decision."

He also noted that he didn't want to blame anyone individually for what happened on set, even amid subsequent investigations and legal proceedings over it — including a manslaughter case against Baldwin (also a producer on the project) that was dismissed in July.

Souza admitted he wouldn't "ever allege that anything was intentional," but "when there are matters of things like ammunition and guns and safety, you don’t f--- around there." He added that "the armorer had to answer for her role in that," referencing armorer Hannah Gutierrez-Reed's conviction of involuntary manslaughter (and subsequent 18-month prison sentence) for her role. Additionally, first assistant director David Halls was charged with negligent use of a deadly weapon, and in March 2023 accepted a plea bargain.

Related: Alec Baldwin hits camera away from performance artist confronting him over Rust shooting and Palestine

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Still, Souza and Baldwin aren't as well-connected as they used to be, the filmmaker revealed.

"Getting through it was tough. We got through it," Souza remembered. "I got the performance I wanted. We’re not friends. We’re not enemies. There’s no relationship."

On Oct. 21, 2021, a gun Baldwin wielded as a prop discharged the live round that killed Hutchins and wounded Souza. In January 2023, the actor-producer was initially charged with involuntary manslaughter, but the charges were dropped amid further investigation. He was again charged in January 2024. Baldwin always denied pulling the trigger.

In July, Judge Mary Marlowe Sommer dismissed the case against Baldwin with prejudice, so it can't be refiled. Her reasoning for the dismissal included citing misconduct by police and prosecutors, whom she deemed had committed a Brady violation when they withheld evidence.

Read the original article on Entertainment Weekly.