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29 Weird Valentine's Day Gifts That Will Give Your Love A Heart-On

Valentine’s Day can be a weird time for lovers.

Although partners in happy relationships acknowledge each other’s differences and unique qualities, that seems to go out the window around Feb. 14.

That’s because people who ordinarily celebrate their lover’s quirks often feel obligated to switch gears and purchase boring generic gifts that don’t reflect what they love about their strange and wacky significant other.

Luckily, HuffPost Weird News is here to help.

We’ve scoured the world looking for V-Day gifts that are sure to tickle the fancy of even the weirdest person.

You don’t need to thank us, but if you want to name your next kid “HuffPost Weird News,” we won’t object.

Exotic Dancer Apron
Exotic Dancer Apron

AbracadabraNYC.com

Exotic Dancer Apron

Sexy lingerie seems like a perfect way to celebrate Valentine's Day -- but not when you're cooking over a hot stove. This exotic dancer apron splits the difference wonderfully. So much so that we promise no one will think you're actually wearing an apron.

Get it at AbracadabraNYC.com

BDSM Bear
BDSM Bear

Stock.adobe.com for SoAmazing.com

BDSM Bear

When it comes to a slightly naughty V-Day gift, you can't beat a BDSM teddy bear. Well, you can, but only with consent.

Get it at SoAmazing.com

Love Bug Hair Bow Set
Love Bug Hair Bow Set

3Wishes.com

Love Bug Hair Bow Set

A word of advice: If your Valentine dresses up as a "love bug," appreciate the sentiment, and don't try to make a joke like, "Is that some kind of STD?" Trust us. It. Won't. Go. Well.

Get it at 3Wishes.com

Multi-Colored Whipped Cream
Multi-Colored Whipped Cream

Whipnotic.com

Multi-Colored Whipped Cream

Sure, whipped cream can be a nice accessory to your lovemaking, but it's so monochromatic. Luckily, Whipnotic has found a way to add color to the dessert topping, which should make your love even sweeter.

Get it at Whipnotic.com

Love Cat Tower
Love Cat Tower

SquarePaws.com

Love Cat Tower

Don't cats deserve a Valentine's Day gift, too? Felines will enjoy this heart-shaped cat love tower, even though, being cats, they will only show their appreciation in the form of silent contempt. Small victories!

Get it at SquarePaws.com

A Dozen Roses (As In Wine -- Get It?)
A Dozen Roses (As In Wine -- Get It?)

InGoodTaste.com

A Dozen Roses (As In Wine -- Get It?)

Sure, flowers are pretty, but have you ever tried getting buzzed eating a bouquet? Exactly. Instead, drive your Valentine to drink by giving them a dozen Rosé wines instead of a dozen roses.

Get it at InGoodTaste.com

Oral Sex Underwear
Oral Sex Underwear

MyLorals.com

Oral Sex Underwear

Chew on this: Oral sex is great fun, but safe sex is still worth practicing. Luckily, there are undies specifically designed for the act. Thank you, technology!

Get it MyLorals.com

Tick Mitt
Tick Mitt

TickMitt.com/

Tick Mitt

Touch is an important part of any relationship, but it's even more important if your lover has been exposed to ticks. The TickMitt can allow you to caress your partner and remove pesky Lyme-disease-carrying insects at the same time. Who said romance is dead?

Get it at TickMitt.com

Boob Ceramic Mug Novelty Pipe
Boob Ceramic Mug Novelty Pipe

AdultVibeToys.com

Boob Ceramic Mug Novelty Pipe

Does your Valentine feel like a boob sometimes? If so, they will find this ceramic pipe quite titillating.

Get it at AdultVibeToys.com

DIY Breast Milk Jewelry Kit
DIY Breast Milk Jewelry Kit

MilkAndJoney.Jewelry

DIY Breast Milk Jewelry Kit

Yeah, jewelry is a popular Valentine's Day gift, but if you want to make it more personal, make it yourself out of breast milk (assuming you have some to spare).

Get it at MilkAndHoney.Jewelry

Great Tits Crotch Stitch Kit
Great Tits Crotch Stitch Kit

CuriousTwist.com

Great Tits Crotch Stitch Kit

Sometimes it's not what you say but how you say it. And if you want to tell your Valentine that you enjoy certain parts of their anatomy, perhaps cross stitching is the best way to compliment them.

Get it at CuriousTwist.com

The Shocker
The Shocker

AbracadabraNYC.com/

The Shocker

If you are convinced that wearing a costume based on a sex act made famous in adult movies is the way to your Valentine's heart, then you have a truly one-of-a-kind relationship.

Get it at AbracadabraNYC.com

Doggy Cupid Wings
Doggy Cupid Wings

BarkShop.com

Doggy Cupid Wings

Since dogs are more likely to bring people together than a mythological figure like Cupid, cut out the middleman and give Rover the job.

Get it at BarkShop.com

Inflatable Engagement Ring
Inflatable Engagement Ring

LesliesPool.com

Inflatable Engagement Ring

If your Valentine insists on a "big ring" for V-Day, well, this fits the bill. If they complain, just point out that they weren't very specific. Also, remind them that a real diamond ring doesn't actually float. They'll appreciate the clarity.

Get it at LesliesPool.com

Penis Pump
Penis Pump

Xersizer.com

Penis Pump

Look, only you know whether your Valentine will be pumped to get this for Valentine's Day. Fingers crossed.

Get it at Xersizer.com

Candy Hearts Nipple Pasties
Candy Hearts Nipple Pasties

3Wishes.com

Candy Hearts Nipple Pasties

Candy hearts are a traditional part of Valentine's Day, but have you ever tasted one? Ugh. These nipple pasties have the same basic taste while being a tad sexier.

Get it at 3Wishes.com

Swamp Monster Scaly Silicone Dildo
Swamp Monster Scaly Silicone Dildo

OrchidToys.com

Swamp Monster Scaly Silicone Dildo

Just imagine the pillow talk when you bring out this sex toy.
"Is that a Swamp Monster Scaly Silicone Dildo? Or are you just glad to see me?"
"Uh, both?"

Get it at OrchidToys.com

Heart-Shaped Bong
Heart-Shaped Bong

StayLitDesign.com

Heart-Shaped Bong

Valentine's Day doesn't have to be just about candies or flowers. Sometimes it can be about bongs.

Get it at StayLitDesign.com

Exposed Ass Shorts
Exposed Ass Shorts

AliExpress.us

Exposed Ass Shorts

Looking for a cheeky Valentine's Day gift? These exposed butt shorts aren't the most asinine choice.

Get it at AliExpress.us

Valentine-Themed Dryer Balls
Valentine-Themed Dryer Balls

FriendsheepWool.com

Valentine-Themed Dryer Balls

Dryer balls may help prevent laundry from clumping, but they don't exactly scream romance, do they? Yes, they do when they have Valentine's Day hearts on them. Your love will think of you every time they are worried about their laundry clumping and know you were there for them at a difficult time.

Get it at FriendSheep.com

Eggplant Vibrator
Eggplant Vibrator

Jeremiah F Kane for Emojibator

Eggplant Vibrator

Adding more vegetables to your diet is good for your health. Adding an eggplant vibrator to your bedroom toys could be good for your sex life.

Emojibator.com

Body Pillow To Replace You If Partner Is A Tad Too Clingy
Body Pillow To Replace You If Partner Is A Tad Too Clingy

Twilla.com

Body Pillow To Replace You If Partner Is A Tad Too Clingy

Can't be there for your Valentine? This giant pillow will give them something to snuggle while you do whatever it is you do.

Get it at Twilla.com

Jelly Belly Squishy Toy
Jelly Belly Squishy Toy

Jelly Belly

Jelly Belly Squishy Toy

Jelly beans are a sweet gift -- unless you're trying to avoid sugar. Solution? This Jelly Belly-themed squishy toy. It's not edible, but your Valentine can use it as a stress ball when you annoy them -- and you will!

Get it at Meijer.com

Cannabis Seltzer
Cannabis Seltzer

Pati Barreto Photography for HiSeltzers.com

Cannabis Seltzer

Wine is typically a good V-Day gift, but if alcohol isn't an option, these cannabis seltzers are a good way to get that romantic buzz.

Get it at HiSeltzers.com

Cigarette-Rolling Machine
Cigarette-Rolling Machine

Daysavers.com

Cigarette-Rolling Machine

Is your Valentine all out of joint? This cigarette-rolling machine will make sure that never happens again.

Get it at DaySavers.com

Masturbation Glove
Masturbation Glove

TheAdultToyShop.com

Masturbation Glove

If you can't be around to take care of your Valentine's needs, give them a hand with this masturbation glove.

Get it at TheAdultToyShop.com

Tanya Tate Stroker
Tanya Tate Stroker

Chaz Photographics for Kiiroo.com

Tanya Tate Stroker

Variety is the spice of life, but if monogamy is important to you, maybe this stroker designed to reproduce the inner anatomy of porn star Tanya Tate will give you and your partner some wiggle room.

Get it at Kiiroo.com

Pink Bigger Cable Wrangler
Pink Bigger Cable Wrangler

Smartish.com

Pink Bigger Cable Wrangler

It's hard to think about Valentine's Day when you have computer cords scattered about. This pink cable wrangler will let your lover know you understand that everything has its place and there's a place for everything.

Get it at Smartish.com

Mindful Intimacy Card Deck
Mindful Intimacy Card Deck

Thereza Helena for Wonderlust.co

Mindful Intimacy Card Deck

Yes, strip poker is a marvelous game, but some people don't know what to do when the clothes finally come off. At that point, maybe you need to switch to this Mindful Intimacy Card Deck, which offers 136 prompts on things you can do naked (and, no, frying chicken in a shallow pan isn't one of them).

Wonderlust.co